September 20, 2014


Bio Publications Previous Columns Mexico Canadian Articles Stories of the Old West Home


Maggie Van Ostrand



Waiter, Bring Me an Order of Gluten and a Large Glass of Lactose


by Maggie Van Ostrand


When I was a kid, mom would send me to the store for a quart of milk and a loaf of bread. Easy enough for me to pick up and bring home. Plenty of clarity and no decisions. But how do today's moms handle sending their kid to the store? This morning, at the supermarket, I overheard a kid about 10 or 11 on his cell phone, obviously checking with his mom. I could only hear the kid's side of the conversation but I'm guessing the mom's is probably close to this :

Kid:        What kind of milk do you want, Mom?

Mom:      1%

Kid:        1% what? (reading from labels) Cow? Soy? Coconut? Almond? Rice?

Mom:      Cow

Kid:        Ok. Cow. Regular? Flavored? Lactose-free?

Mom:      Just a quart of regular cow's milk. If the cow gives lactose with her milk, then it's ok with me.

Kid:        Regular cow lactose ok.

Intrigued, I follow the kid down the never-ending bread aisle, and he calls her again.

Kid:        I forget what you wanted.

Mom:      A loaf of bread.

Kid:       What kind of bread? (kid reads labels into his phone) There's Rye, Jewish Rye, Extra Sour Jewish Rye, Black, Multi-Grain, White, Wheat, Sour Dough, Pita, Pumpernickel. What kind do you want?

Mom:      Wheat.

Kid:        What kind of wheat? Whole Wheat? Whole Grain? Sprouted Grain? Seven Grain? With or without a touch of molasses? Do you want refined grains with added fiber? Do you want unbleached enriched flour?

Mom:      No refined grains with added fiber. No unbleached enriched flour. The first ingredient has to be 100% whole wheat.

Kid:        100% whole wheat. Got it. Gluten-free?

Mom:      Oh for God's sake. Just get a bag of bagels.

Then I saw the poor kid heading for the toothpaste section, and figured he'd be on the phone for the rest of the day.

The motto of the story is: Tell your kid if he'll give up his cell phone and learn to read a handwritten list, you'll let him shave the dog.

###

Enter your email address to receive Maggie's column.

subscribe to the MaggieVanOstand.com feed Subscribe to our feed. Or, add our feed to your favorite reader Subscribe
Follow Maggie Van Ostrand on Twitter

More Maggie on Other Sites


Opinion: Huffington Post
Mexico: MexConnect
Entertainment: Film School Rejects   fandomania
Stories of the Old West: TexasEscapes

   

Guest Links


Hey, Maggie doesn't get paid for plugging these. They're just cool sites.

  • The Lange Foundation
    Angel of mercy Gillian Lange founded this dog and cat rescue organization, as well as The Amanda Foundation. If someone you know lost a pet, you can sponsor a rescued animal for the bereaved owner in the lost pet's name. No greater gift can you give.
  • Dogs Deserve Better
    Love, not chains. Dogs can protect you better if they're treated as members of the family, living inside. This site educates people about the wrongs in chaining up your dog.
  • Sylvia Kent
    British author/photographer, historian and Essex expert, Sylvia Kent has a lively blog about life in the U.K. There's much more to it than you could imagine.

©2013 Maggie Van Ostrand, all rights reserved.
 
Admin